How do you become a famous writer?

By Karin von Behrens

“In the realm of ideas everything depends on enthusiasm…in the real world all rests on perseverance.”

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Not the answer you wanted was it? Perseverance! Perseverance is for arctic explorers, untouchables and lollypop men.

Perseverance requires discipline, and the forced imposition of discipline on a mind bent on freedom and bursting with ideas is the classic writer’s dilemma. How do you give leeway to a thought whilst simultaneously trying to pin it down, structure it, and feed it to an often unwilling or skeptical reader?

The writer’s task is a little like trying to take a universe and feed it through a roller press, whilst crossing your fingers and hoping it will reassemble itself in the correct configuration on the other side - inside the reader’s head!

If writing is purely an exercise in perseverance, and attempting to make the impossible possible, why write in the first place? Aside from the desire to communicate ideas (and the questionable urge to manipulate people’s emotions), one of the only real motivations for writing is that the writer knows that readers are equally thirsty for that freedom of thought. Writers themselves have been fed on the whimsy and imagination of other writers - fed so well it becomes life affirming.

What else is life affirming? Fame? Your name in neatly arranged ink and distributed to as many countries as possible so that when you die people will know that you lived? A solid book in your hand, full of the contents of your head, indicating that you have indeed “done something with your life”?

“Writing is an intoxicating obsession, so much so that the idea of fame and accomplishment can distract from the hard work: grammar and spelling, creating tone and mood, sorting ideas, and heavy proofreading.

“Writing a book or article to completion is consuming enough that some give up.” – Season (aka Bubble Girl)

Don’t give up!

That’s step number two in the nice easy seven steps to success that you wanted to read when you opened this article. Seven steps to transforming your poorly edited manuscript into an international best seller without having to do any more work whatsoever.

It’s understandable that you feel this way. After all you’ve already created entire characters, worlds within which those characters live, and conflicts through which those characters have struggled. Then you’ve had to try and resolve them all neatly whilst providing the reader with some well thought out message or philosophy on life. Let’s face it, you’re probably exhausted. You’ve read ‘The Little Engine That Could’ and he only had one hill to climb!

So, aside from perseverance, how do you become a famous writer?

You could just read the biographies of famous authors and try to follow suit, however, you might wind up with a drinking problem, on a road trip to Las Vegas or going the way of Emily Bronte but these days that’s not going to make you famous. That just makes you dead and if you’re dead you can’t get online. You can’t edit your website, tweet yourself to popularity or market your soon to be best seller.

OK, I give in. Here it is.

A seven step plan for becoming a famous author:

1. The first thing you have to do in order to become a famous writer is to write.

This may sound irritatingly stupid but actually it’s quite clear cut. Successful writers write. You may be a much better writer than J.K Rowling, Elizabeth Gilbert or Tim Winton but have you actually written many novels? Do you get up and write every day? Do you go to readings and read your work aloud? Do you submit your work to publishers? To magazines? Do you load it online to be read? More importantly – do you edit it before you show it to people? Do you edit it again and again and again before submitting it to publishers?

You can ‘be a writer’ to your hearts content but to make any money from it you actually have to produce something. (You know this already of course. I am just the voice of your subconscious re-enforcing the message that you didn’t want to read when you opened this article).

2. Don’t give up!

You know that cartoon with the frog halfway down the pelican’s throat? The frog’s arms are sticking out of the beak attempting to choke the pelican and you are just not sure who is going to win? Feel like that frog sometimes? Having trouble surviving? Don’t lie in bed and moan about it, write about it. People love reading this stuff – if it is well written.

3. In order to be taken seriously you need to get something published.

This is one of those Catch 22 situations which would have Joseph Heller groaning in his grave. Often editors will not read your work or take you seriously if you have not already been published - so getting that first piece published is vitally important. It doesn’t have to be a novel, just a short article online, in a newspaper, or magazine. Then, in your pitch letters to editors, agents and publishers one of the first things you should say is ‘I have been previously published in….’.

4. It’s hard to write when you haven’t eaten.

Most successful writers are part time writers (they hold down a part or full time job in something else and earn extra from writing). Whilst this makes it difficult to find time to write, it often cuts down on the time you have to procrastinate. And if you are really struggling to fit things in just employ this mantra:

“Busy people get things done.” – Lindsey Jane Gray

5. Stick to the word count or submission guidelines!

Editors often have only a small amount of space in which to fit your article or story. Find out the exact word count and submission guidelines and then stick to it. If you exceed this you risk loosing future work.

<!--[if !6. Let your personality come through in your writing.

Can you imagine reading Tom Robbins or Douglas Adams if you removed their strange ideas and quirky perspective on life? Yawn. If you do actually intend to be famous it helps to cultivate a personality.

Fame is not solely based on your written word. Writers have to have book launches and attend radio and television interviews. Journalists only want to interview “good talent”. Good talent is articulate, spontaneous and entertaining. Good talent is kept close at hand for future interviews on anything writing related.

Originality is very hard to find so even a whiff of it will have readers and journalists coming back for more.

7. Harness the internet.

There are a lot of great writer’s resources out there for new authors such as Writers Center contact details, writing advice and websites such as authonomy.com run by Harper Collins. This one employs a democratic voting system. You load a chapter of your work on to the website and other people decide weather or not they think it’s any good. If it meets with a lot of approval it’s possible that the talent spotters at Harper Collins will read it.

Need an agent? Try doing an internet search for authors whose work fits in to the same category as yours. Type in something like “Who is… (eg. Sally Scribbler’s) agent?” It shouldn’t take too long to find contact details and submission guidelines.

Alternatively order yourself a book such as the Australian Writers’ Marketplace or the Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook (UK) which contain the contact details of hundreds of publishers.

Join organisations such as Arts Hub who publish writing opportunities and competitions.

Get yourself a website. Include links to all your published articles. Then link your website to Facebook, Twitter, Myspace and any other online communities you are part of.

Put your website on your business cards and invite people to read your work.

So now that you have your seven step guide to becoming a famous writer – you no longer have any excuses. Stop reading this and get to work and if your really serious I recommend enrolling in Dramatic Writing -this excellent course has less focus on grammer and more on developing your story.  Give it a go!