Loss: The absence of something or someone important to you. This can be the death of a loved one, but also the loss of a job, relationship, health, or home.
What is grief?
Grief: The emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual response to loss. It's an individualized and personalized experience, and there is no "right" way to grieve.
What is a crisis?
Crisis: An event that triggers a crisis of meaning or adjustment to the loss, often involving a period of intense shock, pain, or disorientation.
How do children respond to grief?
There are various theories that suggest how children generally respond to grief. As with adults, all children are different.
From birth to three years of age, children will tend to see a death or loss as abandonment, loss or separation. They may not find this as distressing as an older child, because they do not fully understand what is happening. The main element to a child of this age is the impact it has on their routine and security AND how adults around them behave. If there is little impact on their routine, then they will eventually come to terms with the situation.
Three to six years – the child will see things as temporary or changeable. They may believe that if they think hard enough or want something enough, that they can cause things to happen, like their parent coming back. This is known as “magical thinking”. But this can cause problems for the child as they may start to believe they haven’t been good enough or wanted something hard enough. They may have nightmares or become confused. Some children may regress to an earlier stage of development, whilst others may appear unaffected by the death.
From seven to eight years a child will come to understand that death is final. They will understand perhaps from other losses, such as the loss of a pet. They may be very interested in the details of a death, what happens to the body, where does a person go when they die and so on. The child will often watch others and how they react to know how they should be responding.
From nine and upwards, a child will know that death is final. They will also understand that they could also die. They may show the same behaviours as a grieving adult, but may also “act out” their grief with behavioural changes at home and at school.
Some children and adolescents may “act out” in response to a loss. How they think and feel can also be affected. After a death or loss, a child obviously experiences a situation where someone they are used to is gone. But there may also be situations where other family members are unavailable. If a parent dies or leaves, the other parent will also be grieving and may not be as responsive and available to the child as he or she was previously. They may not be able to cope with normal child care because of how they feel.
Children tend to assume the world is a nice place, but when negative situations happen, they may start to act out or show self-destructive or inappropriate behaviours. Adults should be aware that it is normal for a child to feel grief and loss after a death, but that some behaviours and thoughts are not appropriate and then a child may need professional help to help them come to terms with their loss.
